


Lovesick

by Seraph_Novak



Series: Tyrus One-Shots [50]
Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Cute, Doctors, Flirting, Inspired by Grey's Anatomy, Kissing in the Rain, M/M, Misunderstandings, One Shot, Tyrus - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-22 23:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18537868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seraph_Novak/pseuds/Seraph_Novak
Summary: Fic request ~ Tyrus Doctor AU (loosely inspired by Schmico from Grey's Anatomy).





	Lovesick

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! It feels like ages since I wrote some Tyrus... Life has been really busy lately, so I haven't had the time. But someone requested a Grey's Anatomy AU, and I couldn't resist, so here you go! I feel like this fic kinda ran away from me near the end, but I hope you enjoy it all the same. Thanks for reading!
> 
> As always, all comments and kudos are very much appreciated ♥
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://seraph-novak.tumblr.com)

It was barely six in the morning when Cyrus shuffled into The Pit, one hand wrapped around a paper cup of coffee while the other sluggishly patted his pillow-mussed hair into shape. The sun was still making its slow ascent into the sky, spilling its morning glow across the ambulance bay outside, but Shadyside Hospital was already alive with people – patients and practitioners alike. As always, the air was buzzing with a frantic, suspenseful energy, but Cyrus had a feeling that today's shift was going to be even crazier than usual.

As soon as he spotted Andi and Buffy standing next to a row of gurneys on the side of the room, Cyrus downed the last of his coffee, dumped his cup in the nearest bin, and dragged himself across The Pit to join them. His presence was met with a couple of weary nods.

“Morning, Cy,” Andi greeted him, blinking her tired eyes open as she attempted a small smile. “Sleep well?”

Cyrus groaned. “Too well… I didn’t wanna leave my bed.”

“I never do.”

“You two are depressing,” Buffy said with the quirk of an eyebrow. Despite the dark smudges beneath her eyes, she seemed relatively well-rested, and Cyrus envied her for it. “Whose service are you on today?”

“No clue,” Cyrus said. He stifled a yawn with the back of his hand and shrugged. “I’ll probably be stuck in the clinic again, knowing my luck.”

“The clinic isn’t _that_ bad.”

“It’s grunt work, and you know it.”

Buffy opened her mouth to protest, then changed her mind, probably deciding it was too early in the morning for a debate. “Okay, you’re right. It isn’t great in there.”

“You’ve never worked a _day_ in the clinic,” Andi said, shooting Buffy a teasing glare. “The residents probably fight over you.”

“It’s not my fault everyone wants me on their service.” Buffy cracked her knuckles and grinned, playfully rolling her eyes at Andi’s unimpressed expression. “Oh, don’t look at me like that… You’re the one _dating_ a resident.”

Andi folded her arms defensively. “I’ve never asked Amber to do me any favours.”

“I’m not suggesting you have. But if anyone’s got an advantage here, it’s definitely you.”

“Please stop bickering,” Cyrus pleaded, gingerly rubbing his temples to ease the pounding in his head. The bright lights of The Pit never failed to give him a headache, especially when he was still in the process of waking up. “I would give anything to be put on radiology today,” he continued groggily. “Somewhere dark and quiet, where I could nap in peace…”

Buffy punched him in the shoulder. “You’re a surgical intern,” she said, as if he needed reminding. “You don’t get to _nap_.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Sleep is a thing of the past for people like us.”

“Don’t be so dramatic.”

“I can’t help it!” he exclaimed, flapping his arms like a bird caught in a net. “I’m _tired_. And when I’m tired, I get cranky. And when I’m cranky, I get dramatic. It’s a vicious circle!”

“Well, you better reel it in,” Buffy said, dropping her voice to an urgent whisper. “Dr. Metcalf’s coming over.”

Within seconds, the Chief of Surgery was looming over them, wearing his signature frown as he carefully surveyed the interns with a pair of sharp, judgemental eyes. After a few moments of tense silence, the older man wrinkled his nose and leaned back. 

“Don’t you three have someplace to be?” he asked, phrasing the question like a warning.

“Yes, Dr. Metcalf,” Andi and Buffy squeaked in unison, their eyes as wide as dinner plates. When Cyrus didn’t say a word, they both turned to him with questioning looks of horror.

“I don’t actually know whose service I’m on today,” he hurried to explain, his voice trembling slightly.

Dr. Metcalf sighed. “The incompetency of you interns is astonishing.”

“Sorry, sir.”

“Don’t apologise. Just get to work!”

“But –”

“Go with the first resident you see for today. But don't let this kind of amateur mistake happen again. Do you understand?”

Cyrus gulped. “Yes, sir.”

As soon as Dr. Metcalf walked away, Cyrus allowed himself to breathe again, his wobbly legs giving way as he slumped against Buffy’s side for support.

“I think I just peed myself.”

Andi snorted. “Are you okay, Cy?”

“Yeah. Just traumatised. Nothing major.”

“There you go again with the dramatics,” Buffy said, shoving him off with a shrug. As she was pressing the crinkles out of her scrubs, her eyes landed on something across the room, and a devious smirk appeared on her lips. “Well, I guess that answers the question of whose service you’re on today.”

Before Cyrus could ask any questions, Buffy grabbed his chin and turned his head to the right, pointing his gaze towards a dirty-blond man in dark blue scrubs standing at the opposite end of The Pit, his green eyes scrolling up and down the tablet in his hands.

 _TJ Kippen_. Or, as Buffy and Andi liked to call him, _Cyrus’ big fat crush_.

“Oh no,” Cyrus said, shaking his head as he took a step backwards, accidentally stumbling into a (thankfully) empty bed. “I can’t work with that guy… No way!”

Andi sidled up to Buffy with a matching smirk. “Dr. Metcalf _did_ tell you to go with the first resident you see. You don’t want to disobey the Chief of Surgery, do you?”

“First of all, he’s a _fellow_ –”

“Still counts.”

“ – and I can just pretend I never saw him,” Cyrus said, frantically scanning The Pit for any signs of another resident. The room was swarming with pale blue scrubs and white coats, but TJ Kippen was the only spot of darkness in sight. It was hopeless. “I can’t spend the entire day one-to-one with him,” Cyrus insisted. “What if he –”

“Winks at you again?” Buffy suggested, biting back a grin as Andi smothered her giggles with the sleeve of her coat. “Oh, the horror!”

“This is serious!”

“He’s only flirting with you,” Andi said, taking a deep breath to compose herself. “Maybe he likes you.”

“He’s a guy!” Cyrus hissed, instant heat rushing to his cheeks as a couple of heads turned their way. As soon as the attention had shifted away from them, he lowered his voice and continued, “A guy’s never flirted with me before. What am I supposed to do?”

“You let him down gently.” Andi flicked a glance at Buffy, her eyebrows raised in a silent question, then turned back to Cyrus with a shrug. “Unless you don’t want to, of course.”

Cyrus blanched. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well… You do talk about him a lot.”

“No, I don’t!”

“Yes, you do,” Buffy said, scraping her hair into a bun on top of her head. The pager at her hip started buzzing as soon as she dropped her arms, and she answered it without hesitation. “Well, I wish I could stay here and talk some sense into you all morning, but some of us have work to do.” And with that, she pinched his cheek and made her way towards the double doors leading to the rest of the hospital, turning at the last second to give him a thumbs up. “Just go with your gut,” she shouted across The Pit. “You’ll be fine!”

A few minutes later, when the bustling crowds slowly started to thin out, Andi bit her lip and sighed. “I better get going too,” she said, offering Cyrus a sympathetic smile as he desperately clung to her arm. “Don’t worry, Cy. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

Cyrus gulped. “But… What if I don’t _know_ what I want to do?”

“Well, now’s your chance to figure it out.” She patted his hand and kissed his cheek, giving him a moment to gather his nerves, then pulled away. “I’ll see you at lunch, okay?”

“Okay,” he said, a sickly pallor washing his cheeks as he forced himself to nod. “See you later.”

With Andi and Buffy both gone, and the rest of the interns slowly trickling out of The Pit, Cyrus had no choice but to force his jellified legs across the room and formally introduce himself. Besides a few snatched looks across the operation table, and a couple of unexpected winks thrown his way in passing, he and TJ had never really interacted before. Cyrus had always tried to keep his distance, afraid of what he might do if he were left alone with the frustratingly charming paediatrician for too long. But apparently, he couldn’t avoid the other man forever.

“Um… Hello,” Cyrus said as he approached TJ, anxiously wringing his hands together. He could already feel the nervous sweat beading on his skin, and his face was practically starting to smoke as the blush in his cheeks grew darker and darker, almost reaching the tips of his ears by the time TJ finally turned around and acknowledged him.

“Hey,” the fellow greeted him, the corner of his mouth twitching with a smirk of recognition. “Are you on my service today?”

Cyrus cleared his throat. “Not exactly, but… I-I don’t really know where I’m supposed to be, so Dr. Metcalf told me to go with the first resident I saw.”

“But you picked me?”

“No! I-I mean… I saw you _first_ , so…”

TJ’s gaze skipped over him – from the toes of his tennis shoes, all the way up to the unartfully-tousled mop of hair on top of his head – and finally settled on the spot between his eyes. After a moment of consideration, he made a humming noise and took a step closer, his flirtatious smile almost brushing against the shell of Cyrus’ ear.

“Lucky me,” he whispered.

A bolt of attraction pierced through Cyrus’ chest, taking him by surprise. He tore his eyes away from TJ and coughed into his fist, internally begging the heat in his face to finally subside, before it melted the skin off his cheekbones.

“You look nervous,” TJ observed, sounding genuinely concerned. “Are you okay?”

Cyrus nodded a little too enthusiastically. “Yes! I’m fine, I just… I’ve never done, um… p-paediatrics… before.”

“Oh.” TJ tilted his head to the side, probably wondering if Cyrus had deliberately injected as much implication as possible into that sentence, then gave him a friendly clap on the back. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I’ll walk you through it.”

“You will?”

“That’s what I’m here for, isn’t it?”

“Right! Yes. Exactly. Um… Thank you, TJ. I mean… _Dr. Kippen_. Sorry! I didn’t mean to –”

“Calm down,” TJ said, his eyes twinkling with laughter. “You’re Cyrus, right?”

“How do you –”

“I try to familiarise myself with all the interns. Especially the cute ones.”

Cyrus spluttered a nervous laugh and ducked his head, studiously avoiding TJ’s eyes. He hadn’t expected the fellow to be so forward with his flirting. A couple of winks in the corridor was one thing, but face-to-face compliments? He hadn’t prepared himself for that. How was he supposed to respond?

“Relax,” TJ said, as if he could sense the mental breakdown currently taking place inside his mind. “I’m only messing with you.”

For some reason, that didn’t make him feel any better. If anything, it made him feel worse. _Disappointed_. Did TJ flirt like this with all the interns? Was Cyrus nothing more than an easily-flustered nerd for him to play games with? Or was he completely overthinking this and acting like an idiot? It was probably the latter.

“Sorry,” he said, smiling and exhaling at the same time. “I guess I’m a little on edge.”

TJ grinned. “Little kids aren’t that scary, you know?”

“It’s the parents I’m most worried about.”

“Now _that’s_ a legitimate fear.”

The two of them shared a smile, and Cyrus could feel the blush finally draining from his cheeks. When he wasn’t overanalysing every little thing TJ did, the man wasn’t too difficult to get along with. He was actually pretty nice. And… handsome? There was no point in denying it, especially inside his own head. TJ Kippen was a very handsome man, and Cyrus was at least 60% attracted to him. Maybe even more. Well, _definitely_ more, but that wasn’t the point. Cyrus had never felt so comfortable about his sexuality – a thing only he, Buffy, and Andi were aware of – before. It was refreshing.

“We should probably get a move on,” TJ said, glancing down at his pager. When he looked back up at Cyrus, his usual smirk had fallen into place again. “There’s a broken arm with your name on it.”

“Um… Yay?”

“I love the enthusiasm." TJ gave him a quick wink, then spun on his heels and marched towards the doors. With his considerably long legs, it only took him a few strides to reach the other end of The Pit, leaving Cyrus standing by himself with his mouth hanging open. “Follow me, intern!”

Cyrus scrambled after him, the tail of his too-long coat slapping against the backs of his thighs as he rushed across the room. For the next few minutes, he followed TJ through the hospital, slipping through dense crowds and dodging incoming trolleys and wheelchairs as TJ seamlessly glided down the corridors. He clearly knew his way around the hospital, and Cyrus didn’t know whether to be impressed or intimidated.

“You still with me?” TJ asked over his shoulder.

Cyrus shouted a breathless “Yes” in response, almost running straight into the fellow’s back as he came to a sudden stop.

“Here we are.”

“Thank god,” Cyrus muttered under his breath.

TJ turned to him with a smile. He was standing with his arms folded in an authoritative kind of stance, but Cyrus could see the childlike excitement brimming beneath the surface. He obviously adored his job, and he couldn’t wait to share it with someone. Cyrus was just glad he got to be that lucky someone.

“This is this paediatrics ward,” TJ said, tapping a few things on his tablet as he swept Cyrus into a large room covered in stickers, paintings, and colourful posters.

“Wow,” Cyrus said, his heart fluttering at TJ’s responding grin.

“Impressive, right?”

“It’s amazing!”

“All of the paintings were made by the kids,” TJ explained as he guided Cyrus deeper into the room, taking a left at the end of the beds and down a corridor flanked by private rooms, some of them with crudely decorated nameplates hanging on the doors. “Painting seems to relax them, you know? The parents, too.”

Cyrus smiled at the back of TJ’s head, privately admiring the obvious affection the fellow had for his patients. “Looks like there’s a few budding artists in here.”

“Yeah.” TJ huffed a laugh. “Some of these kids are scarily talented. All of them, really, in their own little ways.”

“You really care about them, huh?”

TJ paused, his back still turned to Cyrus. The stiff set of the fellow’s shoulders made him worry he’d said something wrong, but when TJ turned to face him, his eyes were as bright as the radiant smile dimpling his cheeks. 

“I do,” he said sincerely. “Working here… I’ve seen some stuff that’s changed me, made me wanna throw in the towel and get out of medicine altogether. It’s not always easy, taking the responsibility of a child’s life into your hands.” He scrubbed a hand over his face, a shuddering breath passing between his fingers. “But then I think of all the kids I’ve saved, all the ones that still pay me visits and send me thank you cards, and it makes everything else worth it. The bad times. The _hard_ times.” He smiled. “Working in paediatrics is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.”

Cyrus swallowed thickly, his fingers twitching with the urge to reach out and comfort the other man. But then TJ blinked, and the unshed tears in his eyes were replaced by a familiar hint of playful arrogance that made Cyrus’ heart stutter with uncontrollable desire. 

“Sorry for the sob story,” TJ said, flashing him a smile. “I guess I can’t control myself around cute guys.”

Cyrus spluttered. “Wait, what? Are you telling me that was just an elaborate pickup line?”

“Well, it was true,” TJ said, his lips twitching as he fought back a smirk. “I really _do_ love the kids here, and working in paediatrics really _is_ the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. But I need to exaggerate it a little bit for the guys, you know? The sad, brooding doctor act _never_ fails to work wonders.”

“That’s… kinda messed up.”

TJ shook his head. “Nah. The kids here are constantly bugging me about my love life. They’re kinda like my mini wingmen.”

“You’re sick,” Cyrus said, but his words were light with laughter. There was something quite endearing about the thought of TJ’s patients being so invested in finding him a boyfriend. But he still couldn’t ignore the dull pang of jealousy deep down in his stomach when he pictured TJ recycling the same, meaningless lines on a bunch of other guys who weren’t him.

“You say sick, I say smart. Agree to disagree?”

Cyrus rolled his eyes and smiled. “Sure.”

“Great.”

For a moment, neither of them said a word. They just stood there in silence, barely inches apart in the near-empty corridor, and smiled at each other. But then a child started crying a few rooms down, effectively ruining the moment, and they both sprung apart, staring down at the floor and rubbing the backs of their necks like a couple of guilty teenagers. 

“So, um…. We should probably stop chatting and actually do some work,” TJ said. There was a light dusting of pink on his cheeks, the closest Cyrus had ever seen the fellow to getting flustered, but other than that, he seemed completely unaffected by the unshifting tension in the air. “You ready to start?”

Cyrus licked his lips and nodded. “Yes.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

The next few hours passed in a blur of wailing children and anxious parents, all of them with an abundance of questions that Cyrus wasn’t sure how to answer. Luckily, TJ was always by his side, offering his support whenever he noticed Cyrus struggling. When the fellow was totally immersed in his job, and not trying to woo Cyrus with dazzling smiles and wry comments, he was actually a very gentle and patient person, and Cyrus found himself falling deeper and deeper for the other man as the seconds ticked by. 

“You’re good with kids,” he blurted out at one point, after TJ had given a little girl a lollipop in exchange for her sitting still for an injection. When TJ looked at him, clearly taken aback by the unexpected compliment, Cyrus felt his face flush. “I mean… You definitely made the right career choice.”

TJ’s surprise softened into fondness, his eyes flicking curiously over Cyrus’ pinkening face. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You’re not too bad yourself, you know?”

Cyrus snorted. “Yeah… I’m not so sure about that.”

“Trust me,” TJ said, placing a steady hand on his shoulder. “You’re doing great. _More_ than great.”

Beneath the touch of TJ’s fingertips, Cyrus’ skin sizzled and ached with longing. It seeped into his veins and punctured his heart, oozing a strange combination of fear and excitement that flooded his chest with warmth.

“Thank you, TJ,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

They were standing so close that TJ could probably feel the heat of Cyrus’ blush in the tight space between them. If it weren’t for the little girl happily sucking on the strawberry lollipop in her bed right next to them, Cyrus might’ve done something stupid, like lean forward and kiss the other man. In fact, he might’ve kissed him anyway – privacy be damned – if one the attendings hadn’t suddenly appeared and stolen the fellow away from him.

While TJ was going over some charts with the attending in the corner of the room, occasionally glancing over the elderly woman’s shoulder and meeting his eyes with a secret smile, Cyrus busied himself by smoothing the sheets at the end of the little girl's bed.

“Enjoying your lollipop?” he asked her, trying his best to ignore the heat of TJ’s distant gaze.

The girl swung her head up and down. “Yep.”

“How’s your arm?”

“Better.”

“Well, you’re braver than I am,” he said. “I used to be terrified of needles when I was your age.”

“I thought you were a doctor?”

Cyrus laughed. “Yeah, well… I’m a doctor in training. But the needles still freak me out a little bit.” He glanced around the room, pretending to make sure no one could hear them, then leaned across the bed and pressed a finger to his lips. “That’s our little secret, okay?”

The girl giggled and nodded, using her lollipop to draw an invisible cross over her heart. “I promise I won’t tell!”

“You’re a star.” Cyrus lifted his hand, and the girl slapped a high-five onto his palm. “Maybe you can teach me how to be as brave as _you_ are someday.”

“Okay!”

When he turned away from the bed, Cyrus was surprised to find TJ watching him from across the room, his eyes lidded softly. Despite the attending still yapping in his ear, TJ’s attention was fixed solely on him, and Cyrus couldn’t seem to wrangle himself free from the fellow’s unwavering gaze. Probably because he didn’t want to. It felt nice to have someone look at him like that, even if it was just a well-rehearsed act for flirting with random men.

 _It doesn’t feel like an act_ , a voice whispered in his heart.

Cyrus sucked in a deep breath, still staring intensely at TJ, then allowed himself to smile. It felt dangerous, succumbing to this, but he didn’t care. Especially when TJ returned his smile with a boyish grin that made his eyes dance like scattered sunlight cascading through the trees.

“Are you even listening?” he heard the attending say.

TJ tore his eyes away from Cyrus and cleared his throat. “Sorry, yes. Go on…” 

As the attending continued to ramble, TJ flicked one last smirk across the room, and Cyrus felt his heart soar. It was like being back in High School, passing suggestive notes under the desk and grinning like an idiot every time your hands brushed.

“I think Dr. Kippen likes you,” the little girl said, leaning across the bed to poke Cyrus in the arm. Her strawberry-tinted lips were stretched into an impish smile. “Do you like him back?”

Cyrus blushed furiously. “I… I don’t… Um…”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“How old are you?”

“Six and three quarters,” the girl said, sitting up straight to make herself seem bigger.

“Okay.” Cyrus reached forward and ruffled her hair. “Well, I don’t think you’re _quite_ old enough to understand –”

“He looks at you the way my daddy looks at my mommy,” the girl interjected, jutting out her chin defiantly. “He never looks at other boys like that. Just you.”

Cyrus felt his stomach drop. “Really?”

“Uh huh.”

“Oh.”

“So?” The girl ripped the lollipop out of her mouth and waved it impatiently in the air. “Do you like him or not?”

Cyrus risked a glance across the room. Even from this distance, he could still appreciate the fellow’s profile – the long slope of his nose; the sandy swoop of his hair; the delicate curve of his smile… There was no denying how handsome TJ was, just as there was no denying his ever-deepening feelings for the other man.

“Yes, I like him,” Cyrus admitted with a sigh of defeat. “I like him a lot.”

~~~~~

By the time Cyrus dragged himself into the interns’ locker room at the end of his shift, it was verging on ten o’clock, the crisp morning light he’d last seen filtering through the boxy window at the back of the room now reduced to a deep, almost inky black. It was a few weeks shy of winter, and the nights were now long, dark, and cold. He was almost tempted to return to the paediatrics ward, where the corridors were bright and warm, and TJ’s dazzling smile was there to keep him company. But after sixteen hours of stitching gashes, poking needles, and splinting broken bones – all the while trying not to spontaneously combust every time TJ so much as looked at him – all he really wanted to do was go home and get some rest.

He was pulling a dark green sweater over his head when someone else came through the door, silencing the idle chatter of the interns dotted around the room. Confused, Cyrus wriggled his head into the light and peered around the lockers, barely containing a gasp when he saw TJ standing in the doorway. The moment their eyes met, the fellow turned to the other interns and swapped his easy smile for an intimidating glare.

“Clear the room,” he said, the commanding tone of his voice leaving no room for argument. “I need to have a word with Goodman.”

It only took a handful of seconds for the interns to follow orders, all of them practically tripping over each other in their haste to get out of the room. When the last of them had disappeared, leaving him and TJ alone, the fellow closed the door and joined Cyrus by the lockers.

“Sorry,” he said. “I just… I wanted to talk to you before you left.”

Cyrus tugged nervously at the hem of his sweater. “Did I do something wrong?”

“What? No! Nothing like that.”

“Oh.”

“I just wanted to tell you how great you were today,” TJ said, stammering slightly as a light blush crept up his neck and blotted his jawline. It was strangely comforting to see a hint of nerves amongst his seemingly limitless supply of confidence; it made him seem more human, and therefore more obtainable. “You should be really proud of yourself.”

“I am,” Cyrus said, nibbling at the shy smile slowly blooming across his face. A beat of silence passed, and he took a step closer to TJ, daring a glance at the other man’s face – so close, it was almost blurred. “I’m glad you came here,” he added, his voice breathy. “I wanted to thank you, for being such a good teacher.”

TJ shrugged. “I mean, it’s my _job_ , so…”

“Just take the compliment,” Cyrus said, rolling his eyes with a teasing smile. “You were great, too.”

For a moment, TJ’s face fell slack, and Cyrus was worried he’d overstepped somehow. But then the fellow swallowed thickly, his throat rippling, and reached out to touch Cyrus’ arm, tugging him forward slowly, cautiously, giving him the option to resist if he wanted to… But saying no to this was the _last_ thing he wanted, so he stayed where he was, eyes falling closed and lips parting slightly, waiting for the warm pressure of TJ’s mouth against his own. And when it finally arrived, the breath hitching in his throat and stars swimming behind his eyelids, it was everything he’d hoped for and more. _So much more_.

“Wow,” he mumbled as they pulled apart, his hands fisting in the lapels of TJ’s coat. “That was…”

“Unexpected?”

“Yeah.” He laughed, breathless and giddy. “But, also no.”

TJ lifted an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Well, you have been flirting with me or a while now. I mean, you’re not exactly subtle.”

“You didn’t seem to respond to subtlety,” TJ said, smirking slightly as his fingers brushed the back of Cyrus’ neck, “so I had to kick it up a notch.”

Cyrus grinned. “That’s fair.”

“I’m glad you approve.”

“I do.” He placed a hand on TJ’s chest and chuckled, already leaning in for another kiss. “You really _are_ a good teacher…”

Before their lips could connect for a second time, TJ pulled away, the warmth of his fingers slipping from Cyrus’ neck. “Are we still talking about paediatrics?” he asked, a frown creasing his brow.

“Sure,” Cyrus said, winking clumsily. “Amongst other things.”

He leaned in once again, but TJ rebuffed him, his lips thinning into a grimace as he loosened Cyrus’ grip on his coat. “Hang on,” he said, keeping Cyrus an arm’s length away. “Was… Was that your first kiss with a guy?”

Cyrus winced. “Is that problem?”

“Well, _yeah_.”

“Y-You said you wanted to teach me,” Cyrus said. He heard the desperation in his own voice and cringed, a distant echo of shame pounding in his ears. He clenched his fists and tried again. “You said you would teach me, and I _want_ to learn.”

“Look.” TJ closed his eyes and inhaled through his noise, like he was trying to keep his temper in check. When he opened them again, Cyrus saw the pity staring back at him and shrank away, embarrassed and ashamed and _confused_. “You’re cute, Cyrus. And I like you. I really do, but… I’ve done my coming out already. I can’t go through that again, okay?”

“You wouldn’t have to!”

“You’re new to this. I get that. And I’m glad you’re trying to figure yourself out and everything. But I don’t wanna be a part of it.” He shook his head and sighed. “I can’t teach you how to do this.”

“But –”

“You need help with paediatrics? I’m there. But not with this.”

Cyrus hunched his shoulders, a flash of anger slicing through the muddle of emotions storming inside his chest. “So, what? I’m not _experienced_ enough for you? Is that it?”  

“It’s not like that.”

“Then what’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing’s wrong with you!” TJ exclaimed, tearing a hand through his hair. The violent swipe of his fingers ruffled the gel-stiffened waves, fluffing them out and sending locks of hair flopping over his forehead. He looked much better like that, despite everything. “I just don’t wanna help you out of the closet, okay? That’s something you’ve gotta do by yourself.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You will,” TJ said grimly. “When you’ve spent years learning to accept yourself, you’ll understand.”

“You have no idea what I’ve been through,” Cyrus said, sniffing back tears.

TJ cocked his head in agreement. “Fair enough. But that doesn’t change anything.” He flitted his eyes over Cyrus’ face once more, his breath catching in hesitation, then finally turned around. With his hand on the door, he flicked a parting glance over his shoulder and sighed. “I’m sorry, Cyrus.”

And just like that, he was gone.

~~~~~

“What an ass,” Buffy said, crushing an empty can of soda in her fist with one squeeze. Outside, the rain was screaming and whirling like an angry spirit, and the three of them were waiting it out in the cafeteria. “Do you want me to talk to him? Beat him up for you?”

Cyrus snorted. “Thanks, Buffy… But, no. I just wanna forget about him altogether.”

“You seem really upset,” Andi said softly.

“I guess.”

“You really liked him, huh?”

Cyrus shrugged in frustration. Not at Andi, but at himself. “I can’t believe I let myself fall for someone like TJ Kippen. I mean, he probably flirts with anything that moves! I should’ve known better.”

“This isn’t your fault,” Buffy assured him. “He led you on, Cyrus. We all saw it.”

“I just don’t understand,” he sighed. “I thought he actually liked me. It _felt_ like he did.”

“He manipulated you.”

Andi frowned. “Not necessarily.”

“What are you talking about?” Buffy said, her eyebrows lifting incredulously. “He’s been flirting with Cyrus for weeks, and the moment he had him where he wanted him, he changed his mind. It was all just a game!”

“You don’t know what it’s like to come out,” Andi shot back, making Buffy flinch in surprise. “When Amber asked me out, I was a mess. I’d never been with another girl before. And if it hadn’t been for her patience and understanding –”

“Gross.”

“– we probably wouldn’t be together right now. But it isn’t so easy for everyone.” She turned away from Buffy and took Cyrus’ hand, sweeping a comforting thumb over his knuckles. “You don’t know how difficult it was for TJ to come out. It might not be something he wants to revisit, and you asking him to walk you through the basics of being gay isn’t gonna help that.”

Cyrus balked. “That isn’t what I wanted! I just… I wanted to learn from him because I _like_ him.”

“Exactly,” Andi said. “You wanted him to teach you.”

“No, that’s not –”

“Be honest with yourself, Cy. Try and see things from TJ’s point of view.”

Cyrus thought back to their conversation in the locker room, how quickly TJ’s softness had hardened into rejection the moment he’d realised how inexperienced Cyrus was, the distance in his eyes when he’d turned him down… He didn’t want to be Cyrus’ teacher. That much was obvious. But what if the rest of it had been real? What if Cyrus really _was_ the one in the wrong here?

“Oh my god,” he whispered to himself, the blood draining from his face as realisation dawned on him. “He thought I was using him.”

Andi smiled knowingly. “And you thought _he_ was using _you_.”

“It was just a misunderstanding!”

“Yep.”

“Hang on a second,” Buffy interrupted, wagging a finger in the air as she struggled to catch up. “I’m confused.”

“Cyrus thought TJ rejected him because he was inexperienced,” Andi explained in a slow, patronising tone of voice. She was clearly enjoying being ahead of Buffy for once. “But TJ actually rejected him because he thought Cyrus was using him to _gain_ experience. Do you get it now?”

Buffy folded her arms and grumbled. “I suppose…”

“Even so,” Cyrus said, his mind still buzzing with a thousand fleeting thoughts, “he didn’t need to turn me down so abruptly. I mean, he didn’t even let me explain!”

“Maybe he was upset?”

“So was I!”

“Cyrus.” Andi squeezed his hand and smiled. “You like him, don’t you? You said it yourself. And he likes you. I _know_ he does. So why are you trying so hard to talk yourself out of this?” She scooted closer across the bench and rested her head on his shoulder. “You can’t let a stupid misunderstanding ruin this for you.”

Cyrus stared down at his hands, a trembling bundle in his lap, and exhaled a shaky breath. “What if you’re wrong?” he asked, the roaring of the rain outside almost swallowing his words. “What if he doesn’t like me because he thinks I’m naïve?”

“Then he _would_ be an ass,” Andi said. “But I don’t think that’s true.”

Buffy groaned. “I hate to admit, but I think she’s right… I’ve seen the way he looks at you. There’s no faking that.”

“I’ve never been with a guy before,” Cyrus whimpered, stating what they both already knew. “What if I’m bad at it? What if I _do_ need someone to teach me?”

“You’re gay,” Buffy said simply. “You don’t need someone to teach you what you already know.”

Before Cyrus could protest any further, one of the doors leading outside opened with a heavy _thump_ , and TJ came stumbling into the cafeteria, thoroughly soaked to the bone. There was water streaming down his face, a sheet of dark blond hair covering his eyes, and his scrubs were completely sodden. Cyrus could do nothing but watch in stunned silence as the fellow shook himself out like a large dog and blindly collapsed into a nearby chair. It was only when he swept the hair out of his eyes that he noticed Cyrus watching him.

“Oh,” he said. “I, um… I’ll go somewhere else –”

“Why were you outside?” Buffy asked him, her expression flitting between amused and repulsed. “You know it’s pouring it down, right?”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed.”

“You’re not very smart for a fellow, are you?”

TJ gave her a tight, acidic smile. “I know you haven’t been here long, intern, but not every ward in this hospital is conveniently connected by corridors.”

Buffy simply glowered in response.

“C’mon, guys,” Andi said, smiling nervously as she attempted to smooth things over. “We’re all adults, aren’t we? I’m sure we can sit here without arguing until the rain stops.”

“Actually, I’m gonna go.” TJ scraped back his chair and got to his feet, the soles of his shoes squeaking against the wet floor. For a brief moment, his eyes landed on Cyrus, but they quickly danced away and returned to the rain lashing against the windows instead. “Wish me luck, I guess.”

Cyrus was standing before he’d even decided to follow him.

“Where are you going?”

“I need to talk to him.”

“But, the rain –”

“A little water’s not gonna hurt me,” he said. “But losing TJ will.”

Buffy gagged. “Okay, I know you’re in love and everything, but there was no need for that level of cheese.”

“Don’t listen to her,” Andi said, beaming as she reached out and squeezed Cyrus’ hand. “Go get him, Cy!”

As soon as he opened the door, the rain hit him like a thousand flecks of ice, instantly raising the hair on his arms and turning his cheeks a deep, stinging shade of pink. But there was no going back now. He could see TJ’s retreating form just ahead, quickly fading in the grey smudge of rain sweeping across his vision. If he didn’t move now, he would lose him, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able find the courage to confront him like this again.

So he ran.

“TJ!” The wind picked up his words and tossed them into the sky, becoming one with the rain and sinking into the wet earth beneath his feet. “TJ, wait!”

With his nose buried in the crook of his arm to shield his face from the storm, he chased after the distant speck of white with all the energy he could muster. By the time his hand latched onto the soggy tail of TJ’s coat, his legs were burning, despite the rain leeching through his scrubs, and he could barely breathe enough air into his lungs to spit out a single word. But, luckily, TJ didn’t shove him away like he’d expected him to. He stood there, quiet and grim, as Cyrus caught his breath, seemingly indifferent to the darkening clouds above their heads, and waited.

“I… I need… I need to talk to you.”

TJ looked away. “You’re only making this harder, Cyrus.”

“But you don’t understand!”

“What don’t I understand?” he asked, spraying Cyrus with droplets of rain as he whipped around to face him. “You’re new to the whole coming out thing. You wanna have some fun, figure yourself out… I get it. But I’m not interested in playing a one-time part in your journey to self-discovery. I want something that’s gonna last, okay? A relationship that _means_ something, for once. And you’re obviously not looking for that kind of thing, so –”

“Don’t tell me what I’m looking for!” Cyrus yelled. “Just because I’m inexperienced, doesn’t mean I’m ignorant. I’ve known what I want for a very long time. And for some bizarre reason, _you_ happen to be it!”

“Cyrus –”

“I fell in love with one of my best friends when I was thirteen. I’ve known I was gay for almost half my life. So don’t you _dare_ stand there and accuse me of not understanding the struggles of learning to accept yourself, because _I’ve_ lived it too! And just because I’ve never been with another guy before, doesn’t mean I’m not sure of who I am, or what I want!”

“Okay –”

“And maybe you don’t want the responsibility of being my first boyfriend. Maybe you’re scared it will be awkward and difficult and too much work. _I understand that_. But that doesn’t give you the right to jump to conclusions and ignore me!”

At this point, TJ was smirking, and Cyrus could feel his anger rising and rising, like a pot of water close to boiling over.

“Are you done yet?” the fellow asked, taking a step towards him. 

Cyrus shoved him away and growled. “No, I’m not done yet! Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me? I’ve spent nearly thirteen years hiding from who I really am, _terrified_ of getting hurt all over again. I’ve been hiding for so long that I forgot what it felt like to be _me_.” He shook his head, half-choking on a sob. “And then you kissed me, and I felt like I _existed_ again.”

TJ stopped smirking.

“I don’t know what this means to you. I don’t know if you like flirting with me, and that’s it, or if you actually wanna be with me. Either way, it doesn’t matter… I was a goner the moment you winked at me.” He shrugged his shoulders and laughed. It felt good to be honest. It felt like the rain -  crazy and reckless and _real_. “I’ll admit I’m inexperienced. And awkward. And I tend to say the wrong things at the wrong times.” He smiled. “But I’m also nice. And loyal. And my friends think I’m a catch. So if you still wanna turn me down, that’s fine. But if you decide to give this a chance, you won’t regret it, because –”

The rest of his words were swallowed by a kiss.

Cyrus made a little squawk of surprise as TJ’s lips melted against his own, all of his pent up frustration seeping out of him within seconds, leaving him weightless and airy, elastic and free… He clutched onto TJ’s shoulders and whimpered slightly, losing himself to the melodic _whoosh_ of the rain as TJ pulled him impossibly closer.

“I didn’t think you liked me,” he mumbled between kisses, gently tucking the hair behind Cyrus’ ears. “I thought… I thought –”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry, Cyrus.”

“Hey.” He cupped TJ’s face and pressed their foreheads together, breathing him in. “You have nothing to apologise for. I’m the idiot who made you think you were nothing more than a _practice_ boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?”

Cyrus froze, his face flushing darkly. “I didn’t mean –”

“If you tell me you didn’t mean to call me your boyfriend, I’m gonna be really upset.”

“Wait, you… You _want_ me to call you that?”

“It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?” TJ tilted his head to the side, revealing the wicked slice of a smile lifting the corner of his mouth. “Like you said, I’ve been flirting with you for a while now. And _this_ is what usually comes after the flirting.”

“What _is_ this exactly?”

TJ shrugged, the confidence in his smile not quite reaching his eyes. “Me asking you out?”

“Really?”

“Well, _yeah_. Unless you don’t –”

“I just chased you through a storm in nothing but scrubs and poured out my heart to you like we’re in a Hallmark movie, and you honestly don’t think I wanna be your boyfriend?”

“Um –”

“You’re such an idiot,” he laughed, palming the back of TJ’s neck and kissing him softly. All around them, the sky shivered and wept, bathing them in tears of joy as they clung onto each other for dear life, laughing and hugging and basking in the rain. 

~~~~~

Cyrus tugged the fleece blanket over his shoulders and tucked it under his chin, shuddering with relief as the heat pulsing from the radiator slowly filled the on-call room. He could still feel the occasional drop of rain rolling down his spine, but at least he could also feel his toes again. And the hot cocoa TJ had placed in his hands a few minutes ago was quickly thawing his icy palms as well.

“Thank you,” his said, lips trembling as he took a tentative sip from the steaming cup. The burn was delicious.

TJ wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer, until he was practically sitting on his lap. Despite being equally soaked, TJ seemed to radiate warmth at all times, and Cyrus couldn’t resist snuggling against his boyfriend’s – yes, _boyfriend’s_ – chest.  

“You smell like rain,” he mumbled.

“So do you.”

“Yeah. It’s quite nice, actually.”

He closed his eyes, ear pressed against the steady beating of TJ’s heart. The sudden shift from freezing to cosy was taking its toll, making him feel sluggish and loose-lipped. He had no idea what he was going to say until the words tumbled out of his mouth.

“Did you only kiss me to shut me up?”

TJ chuckled. “How could I _not_ kiss you when you were being so damn cute?” He threaded his fingers through Cyrus’ hair, gently undoing all the frazzled knots left behind by the rain. “But I’m sorry for interrupting your Hallmark speech. What else were you gonna say?”

“I was more or less done,” Cyrus admitted. “I was just gonna reassure you that you wouldn’t have to go through the drama of coming out all over again.”

TJ sighed, shifting on the bed so Cyrus was laying across his legs, looking up at him. “I’m sorry for everything I said the other day,” he said quietly, his fingers resuming their careful exploration of Cyrus’ hair. “I just… I don’t wanna be involved in another shame spiral, you know?”

“I’m not spiralling,” Cyrus told him. “And I’m definitely not ashamed.”

“I know.”

“I’m not afraid, either.”

“It’s okay if you are.”

“I’m not.” He reached up and touched TJ’s face, tracing the fine bones beneath his lightly-stubbled cheeks. “You’re so beautiful.”

TJ grinned. “Wow, you’re a sap.”

“Too much?”

“No. Definitely not.”

“Good, because I’m just getting started…”

When their lips were mere inches apart, TJ’s pager started buzzing at his hip, and Cyrus was caught between laughter and tears as he moved off the fellow’s lap so he could check it. All he wanted to do was stay in this tiny room, with the lights low and the rain pattering against the window, and kiss his boyfriend. But when there were little kids with scraped knees and poorly tummies waiting for his assistance, Cyrus didn’t mind letting him go. This was the life they’d both chosen for themselves, after all.

“I’m sorry,” TJ huffed, already half-standing. “Duty calls.”

Cyrus gave him a sleepy smile. “It’s okay.”

“You gonna stay here and rest for a while?”

“Mmm…”

The next thing he knew, TJ was gently prying the half-empty cup from his hands and lowering his head onto a pillow. Cyrus could hear the smile in his voice as he leaned over and kissed the sensitive spot behind his ear, whispering goodbye.

“I’ll come find you later, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’ll miss you.”

“Now who’s being a sap?”

“Me,” TJ said simply, planting one last kiss on Cyrus’ forehead as he got to his feet.  

Before he could leave, Cyrus grabbed onto his elbow and ushered him closer. TJ obliged with a fond little smile, crouching down beside the bed, and allowed Cyrus to kiss him on the lips once more.

“I’ll miss you too,” Cyrus murmured softly, bumping their noses together.

After a few more parting kisses (with Cyrus promising each one would be the last) TJ managed to escape the on-call room, pausing briefly in the doorway to wave Cyrus goodbye and mockingly blow him a kiss. Joke or not, Cyrus still pretended to catch it mid-air and press it against his mouth, to which TJ blushed like a schoolboy and walked backwards into the wall, before stammering a final goodbye and disappearing down the corridor. Cyrus stared at the spot where the fellow had once stood until his eyelids began to droop closed.  

He’d barely been asleep for five minutes when the door slammed open again, no doubt leaving a mark where it collided with the wall. His eyes sprang open as he sat bolt upright, only to find Buffy and Andi standing in the middle of the room, pointing at him accusingly with their mouths gaping open.

“You both look ridiculous,” he said, collapsing back against his pillow.

“We saw you kissing TJ in the rain!” Buffy exclaimed.

Andi nodded in agreement. “Yes! We saw you through the window! _Cyrus_ –”

“Okay, okay… We kissed. What’s the big deal?”

“We’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

“Here I am.”

“Where’s TJ?”

“Or should we say, where’s your _boyfriend_?”

Cyrus shrugged. “Well, considering TJ and I are dating now, I guess you _should_ say that.”

All at once, Buffy and Andi were crowded around him, jumping on the bed and shaking his arms as they bombarded him with a thousand overlapping questions. He didn’t say a word, just sat there and soaked in the attention with a smug little smile, his thoughts slipping back to TJ. The dirty-blond in the dark blue scrubs. The paediatrics fellow. _His boyfriend_.

And for the first time in almost thirteen years, he actually felt like himself again.


End file.
